A local Chinese gymnast has the world's smallest waist, just a stretch smaller than previous title holder

AP News - “training at a sports training” [read full story]

“Is that the male version of Barbie?” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“No, Barbie isn’t this scary.” - Howard Downs (TPN News Analyst)

Local dog saves Hollywood actors Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, from a deranged snow monster.

Courtesy of Yahoo! News

“Do you think this is a clip from a new horror film starring Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston?” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“No, its from real life. This happened early this morning.” - GOP (TPN Entertainment Specialist)

UFO swept through a Japanese amusement park, Yomiuri Land, grabbing employees dressed in Santa Claus outfits before flying away

Reuters News - “outfits enjoy a ride at an amusement park in Tokyo” [read full story]

“What interest do Aliens have with Santa Claus?” - Alison (TPN Subscriber)
“They want the blue prints to his sled.” - GOP (TPN Science and Space Specialist)

Feared eaten, a local Belarus farmer captured a picture of the Abominable Snowman kidnapping his two circus kittens, Chester Sir Knight-n-tail and Santa Claws

Reuters News - “Cats are seen during the International Cat” [read full story]

“My pony was killed and according to my father it could of only had been a large primate like Yeti.” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)

“Its easy to believe the Yeti part but I have a real hard time believing a grown man had a pony.” - GOP (TPN Cryptozoologist Expert)

A thief posing as Santa Claus was scared off after local Snowman guarding an east side residential home attacked the fake Kris Kringle

AFP News - “Santa Claus costume feeds a beluga, or white whale” [read full story]

“He would of gotten away with it had he used the fireplace.” - Alison (TPN Subscriber)
“All the more reason to have a snowman in your yard.” - GOP (TPN Subscriber)

New local study shows majority of Mexico is happy with new design of the U.S. Border fence

AP News - “ending the most high-profile effort yet to break a blockade” [read full story]

“Wow, this new fence design is a lot better than the giant wooden fence. Plus now they won’t have to cross illegally to see whats on the other side, they’ll simply look through the fence now.” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“Finally some peace over the border issue.” - Howard Downs (TPN Subscriber)

A local elderly woman successful birthed a healthy baby with a strong apetite

AP News - “unidentified zoo employee, that was born Sept. 7, 2008 in San Diego” [read full story]

“My mother was almost 40 when she had me.” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“Geez, if she waited any longer you’d been born to a grandma” - IM Balding (TPN Janitor)

Local dealers have reported that used cars are exploding in sales

AP News - “car is seen folowing a U.S. airstrike” [read full story]

“Looks like the car was following the air strike a little too closely” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“I’m really enjoying the ‘brand used’ news van that TPN just bought earlier this week” - Howard Downs (TPN On Sight Reporter)

Two hungry hippos ate everything but a local zookeepers head on halloween

AP News - “two hippos in their thirties” [read full story]

“When I was a kid I dreamed of being a zookeeper but now I’m glad I didn’t follow my dreams.” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“Maybe you should follow your dreams, you might make national news!” - Howard Downs (TPN Leader)

Leader of pro-Indian local political group Awami National Conference, Muzaffar Shah, sings Who Let The Dogs Out.

AP News - “..Indian parties .. started .. in the Himalayan region..” [read full story]

“This guy has horrible taste in music. That song is so not hot anymore.” Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“I’m not sure if he would sing that song” - Howard Downs

Local prison has talent show with first place going to a 'walking on hands' routine

Yahoo! - “..at the St. Louis Zoo in Missouri” [read full story]

“Finally prisoners can express themselves openly.” - Tina (PB Womens Weekly)

“This will encourage them to escape.” - GOP (TPN Anchor)

Locals call man a fruit for believing a UFO visited him and left him a gift

AFP News - “Samaritan man prepares a ‘Sukka,’..” [read full story]

“I’m so thankful UFO’s have never visited me.” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“Most likely they won’t according to local researchers” - GOP (TPN reporter)

Local evidence suggest Barack Obama has connections with the Ku Klux Klan

AP News - “Joan Sigurdson, left, holds a sign opposing Republican vice presidential candidate..” [read full story]

“Does this mean Obama is a racist?” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“I doubt it, I mean he’s onry a member in Wrights church, its not rike they have the same beriefs.” - Ping (TPN International Investigator)

Oprah Winfrey arrested in local airport for acting utterly ridiculous towards security

AP News - “..arrested Sept. 27, 2008 after she allegedly impeded traffic, urinated on a neighbor’s porch and chased children while wearing a cow suit..” [read full story]

“Maybe the headline should of said… Oprah charged with causing the ‘Great Chicago Fire.’ - Bamboo (Lead Singer, Actor, Male Model, former TP Resident)

“I really wish you wouldn’t poke fun at her, she is such a sweet lady.” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)

Local school children avoid death after pushing away an angry Bengal Tiger

AP News - “Filipino children watch a Bengal Tiger stand” - [read full story]

“How come big cats hate people so much?” - Tina (subscriber)

“Its not that they hate humans, usually they only attack when there are small children around.” - Howard Downs (TPN Zoologist Specialist)