Gymnast Has Smallest Waist

A local Chinese gymnast has the world's smallest waist, just a stretch smaller than previous title holder

A local Chinese gymnast has the world's smallest waist, just a stretch smaller than previous title holder

AP News - “training at a sports training” [read full story]

“Is that the male version of Barbie?” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“No, Barbie isn’t this scary.” - Howard Downs (TPN News Analyst)

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Dog Saves Actors From Attack

Local dog saves Hollywood actors Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, from a deranged snow monster.

Local dog saves Hollywood actors Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, from a deranged snow monster.

Courtesy of Yahoo! News

“Do you think this is a clip from a new horror film starring Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston?” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“No, its from real life. This happened early this morning.” - GOP (TPN Entertainment Specialist)

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UFO Hold Local Santas Hostage

UFO swept through a Japanese amusement park, Yomiuri Land, grabbing employees dressed in Santa Claus outfits before flying away

UFO swept through a Japanese amusement park, Yomiuri Land, grabbing employees dressed in Santa Claus outfits before flying away

Reuters News - “outfits enjoy a ride at an amusement park in Tokyo” [read full story]

“What interest do Aliens have with Santa Claus?” - Alison (TPN Subscriber)
“They want the blue prints to his sled.” - GOP (TPN Science and Space Specialist)

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Abominable Snowman Kidnaps Kittens

Feared eaten, a local Belarus farmer captured a picture of the Abominable Snowman kidnapping his two circus kittens, Chester Sir Knight-n-tail and Fester Buttons

Feared eaten, a local Belarus farmer captured a picture of the Abominable Snowman kidnapping his two circus kittens, Chester Sir Knight-n-tail and Santa Claws

Reuters News - “Cats are seen during the International Cat” [read full story]

“My pony was killed and according to my father it could of only had been a large primate like Yeti.” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)

“Its easy to believe the Yeti part but I have a real hard time believing a grown man had a pony.” - GOP (TPN Cryptozoologist Expert)

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Snowman Attacks Santa

A thief posing as Santa Claus was scared off after local Snowman guarding an east side residential home attacked the fake Kris Kringle

A thief posing as Santa Claus was scared off after local Snowman guarding an east side residential home attacked the fake Kris Kringle

AFP News - “Santa Claus costume feeds a beluga, or white whale” [read full story]

“He would of gotten away with it had he used the fireplace.” - Alison (TPN Subscriber)
“All the more reason to have a snowman in your yard.” - GOP (TPN Subscriber)

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Mexico Happy With Border

New local study shows majority of Mexico is happy with new design of the U.S. Border fence

New local study shows majority of Mexico is happy with new design of the U.S. Border fence

AP News - “ending the most high-profile effort yet to break a blockade” [read full story]

“Wow, this new fence design is a lot better than the giant wooden fence. Plus now they won’t have to cross illegally to see whats on the other side, they’ll simply look through the fence now.” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“Finally some peace over the border issue.” - Howard Downs (TPN Subscriber)

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Elderly Woman Gives Birth


A local elderly woman successful birthed a healthy baby with a strong apetite

A local elderly woman successful birthed a healthy baby with a strong apetite


AP News - “unidentified zoo employee, that was born Sept. 7, 2008 in San Diego” [read full story]

“My mother was almost 40 when she had me.” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“Geez, if she waited any longer you’d been born to a grandma” - IM Balding (TPN Janitor)

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Used Cars A Hot Sale

Local dealers have reported that used cars are exploding in sales

Local dealers have reported that used cars are exploding in sales

AP News - “car is seen folowing a U.S. airstrike” [read full story]

“Looks like the car was following the air strike a little too closely” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“I’m really enjoying the ‘brand used’ news van that TPN just bought earlier this week” - Howard Downs (TPN On Sight Reporter)

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Man Eaten By Hippos

Two hungry hippos ate everything but a local zookeepers head on halloween

Two hungry hippos ate everything but a local zookeepers head on halloween

AP News - “two hippos in their thirties” [read full story]

“When I was a kid I dreamed of being a zookeeper but now I’m glad I didn’t follow my dreams.” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“Maybe you should follow your dreams, you might make national news!” - Howard Downs (TPN Leader)

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Shah Sings Favorite Song

Leader of pro-Indian local political group Awami National Conference, Muzaffar Shah, sings Who Let The Dogs Out.

Leader of pro-Indian local political group Awami National Conference, Muzaffar Shah, sings Who Let The Dogs Out.

AP News - “..Indian parties .. started .. in the Himalayan region..” [read full story]

“This guy has horrible taste in music. That song is so not hot anymore.” Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“I’m not sure if he would sing that song” - Howard Downs

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Local Prison Has Talent Show

Local prison has talent show with first place going to a 'walking on hands' routine

Local prison has talent show with first place going to a 'walking on hands' routine

Yahoo! - “..at the St. Louis Zoo in Missouri” [read full story]

“Finally prisoners can express themselves openly.” - Tina (PB Womens Weekly)

“This will encourage them to escape.” - GOP (TPN Anchor)

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UFO Leaves Man A Gift

Locals call man a fruit for believing a UFO visited him and left him a gift

Locals call man a fruit for believing a UFO visited him and left him a gift

AFP News - “Samaritan man prepares a ‘Sukka,’..” [read full story]

“I’m so thankful UFO’s have never visited me.” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“Most likely they won’t according to local researchers” - GOP (TPN reporter)

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Obama With The Klan?

Local evidence suggest Barack Obama has connections with the Ku Klux Klan

Local evidence suggest Barack Obama has connections with the Ku Klux Klan

AP News - “Joan Sigurdson, left, holds a sign opposing Republican vice presidential candidate..” [read full story]

“Does this mean Obama is a racist?” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“I doubt it, I mean he’s onry a member in Wrights church, its not rike they have the same beriefs.” - Ping (TPN International Investigator)

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Oprah Arrested In Airport

Oprah Winfrey arrested in local airport for acting utterly ridiculous towards security

Oprah Winfrey arrested in local airport for acting utterly ridiculous towards security

AP News - “..arrested Sept. 27, 2008 after she allegedly impeded traffic, urinated on a neighbor’s porch and chased children while wearing a cow suit..” [read full story]

“Maybe the headline should of said… Oprah charged with causing the ‘Great Chicago Fire.’ - Bamboo (Lead Singer, Actor, Male Model, former TP Resident)

“I really wish you wouldn’t poke fun at her, she is such a sweet lady.” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)

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Children Push Back Tiger

Local school children avoid death after pushing away an angry Bengal Tiger

Local school children avoid death after pushing away an angry Bengal Tiger

AP News - “Filipino children watch a Bengal Tiger stand” - [read full story]

“How come big cats hate people so much?” - Tina (subscriber)

“Its not that they hate humans, usually they only attack when there are small children around.” - Howard Downs (TPN Zoologist Specialist)

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