Local Jail Closed After Keeping Cells Too Sloppy

A local jail in the Ratchaburi province has been closed after inmates were living like pigs in cells that were too sloppy. 'I'd much rather serve out my sentence in North Korea than in that dump,' called out Il Sung Ping Pong. He was arrested for laughing in a public forum during Jackie Chan's 2001 comedic stand up tour. Pong and his many other rebellious roommates have been moved in a more upscale jail still under the control of Ghengis Kong's few standing members who in the late 70's merged with another bad boy group from Russia called the Kremlin (KGB). The two groups maintain a very comfortable and cleaner jail cells. 'I am just as happy as a dragon dancing on rice patties,' said Ping Pong. 'At first I was upset with myself laughing in that comedy club but now I'd do it again just live in this place. I get to wear giant Russian hats and I can hang up posters of Vladimir Putin in my cell. People outside these walls running free with their AIDs and now swine flu are missing out on living with a sense of greatness under strict totalitarian discipline!'