Entries Tagged 'U.S. News' ↓

Budget strapped glue factories come up with creative ways to more quickly process it's product and chop cost in half

Photo of courtesy of Yahoo! News.

“So they don’t use cattle? Whats up with the logo?” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“They did but horses are cheaper so its more cost affective for them to use ponies and horsies.” - GOP (TPN Market Analyst)

OJ Simpson cancels his Killer Air Guitar show at Fulsom Prison because he's booked solid for the next 15 years

AP News - “Simpson was sentenced Friday to at least 15 years in prison” [read full story]

“They finally got him, I didn’t think this day would come!” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“He’d of gotten away with this last episode had he not left a glove behind.” - Howard Downs (TPN Sports Analyst)

Dawn, a cougar in the Cincinnati Zoo was injured from a bite on her upper lip by a 3 week old cheetah cub

AP News - “Dawn Strasser plays with one” [read full story]

“I always dreamed of working in a zoo till I read this news report” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“This is an isolated incident, you should pursue your dreams and not keep them caged up.” - Howard Downs (TPN Zoologist)

Guantanamo detainee and terror suspect Binyam Mohamed is found guilty for being too sketchy

AP News - “admitted to crimes to halt his agony” [read full story]

“This is the best news I’ve seen all day.” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“I’m glad they got a verdict now instead of drawing out this trial” - Howard Downs (TPN Lead Analyst)

Barack Obama changes his pants in the dressing room at Kmart

Courtesy of Yahoo! News

“I can’t believe there dressing rooms are in such poor condition” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)
“Maybe Obama will help Kmart get better” - GOP (TPN Boom Mic Operator)

Presidential candidate John Sweeney shocked over losing the race and that Obama never answered the phone to hear his concession speech

AP News - “talks about the impact” [read full story]

“What party was John Sweeney running with? Maybe Obama didn’t know he was.” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“He was running with the Labor Union Party. He got about .0023 percent of the popular vote.” GOP (TPN Financial Adviser)

Kate Moss was the most popular costume supermodel costume worn during Halloween

Reuters News - “A reveler marches in the annual Greenwich Village Halloween Parade” [read full story]

“I love supermodels!” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)
“I was almost a supermodel at one point in life” - IM Balding (TPN Janitor)

A gruesome picture shows the horror of an Indian scalping one of his many victims

AP News - “Steven Clarke, Havertown, Pa., Breaks the Guinness World Record..” [read full story]

“I read about how Indians once tried to force pilgrims to leave America by scalping children and goats.” - Doris (TPN Charter Member)

“Yes, they used to have some serious issues.” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)

Local prison has talent show with first place going to a 'walking on hands' routine

Yahoo! - “..at the St. Louis Zoo in Missouri” [read full story]

“Finally prisoners can express themselves openly.” - Tina (PB Womens Weekly)

“This will encourage them to escape.” - GOP (TPN Anchor)

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke addresses the Economic Club of New York how fishing will boost the economy

Reuters News - “..addresses the Economic Club of New York regarding financial markets..” [read full story]

“I went fishing once when I was little. I don’t feel or see how that helped me financially.” Tina (Concerned Citizen)
“Its regarding trade. If you go and catch tons of fish and sell them, you will feel a difference.” - GOP

Recently discovered FBI documents show that Col. Sanders did in fact wear dentures

“I knew that, its so stupid the Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise wouldn’t just tell the feds this info. What was the big deal?” - Terry (TPN Email List)

“Sorta like the OJ stuff, you just knew Sanders was guilty.” - I.M. Balding

US Military cannot figure out why environmentalists believe they are not eco-friendly

“I didn’t know our military was still polluting. This burns my hide to no end.” - Bruce (Concerned Citizen)

“If only we could all be like Al Gore, then there would be no more pollution or polar bear suicides” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)

Oprah Winfrey arrested in local airport for acting utterly ridiculous towards security

AP News - “..arrested Sept. 27, 2008 after she allegedly impeded traffic, urinated on a neighbor’s porch and chased children while wearing a cow suit..” [read full story]

“Maybe the headline should of said… Oprah charged with causing the ‘Great Chicago Fire.’ - Bamboo (Lead Singer, Actor, Male Model, former TP Resident)

“I really wish you wouldn’t poke fun at her, she is such a sweet lady.” - Tina (TPN Subscriber)

Most Koalas have evil side, plot to kill all humans

“This gives proof to what the aliens told me when I was 12.” - Martin (TPN Subscriber)

“It does?” - Howard Downs (Author)

Escapees have become a big problem for local jail

AFP News - “Researchers found that people who inherit a variation of a gene called ADIPOQ..” [read full story]

“Wanted, giant marshmallow man alert!” - Todd (TPN Subscriber)

“Yeah looks like the Ghostbuster’s finally arrested him.” - Howard Downs